The Four Rules of Communication – by Pastor Michael Webster
Pastor Michael Webster was my pastor in a church in a small town in northern Canada. His church was the start to my journey with God and finding salvation in Yeshua. Pastor Webster sermons were well thought out and came straight from his love for God. One of his sermons on marriage pierced my heart so deeply I finally realized then at that time what marriage really meant. However, it was too late for me, I had gone through a divorce. If I would have heard this sermon during my tumultuous marriage maybe things might have been different. Though, in hindsight my now ex-husband probably would not have come to this church I was now attending. The church was not a Catholic church, it was a Baptist church. I never really cared much for a religious title to a church. What I always cared about was how God’s word was taught, who Yeshua is and means to our lives as per scripture, and related to one’s life in every facet of it. The most important to me was the teaching about salvation in Yeshua, that He is our Lord, Savior and King. Pastor Michael Webster truly is a man of God and his love and passion shows up in his sermons and every day life. You can learn more about pastor Michael Webster through his website; https://frenchministries.com/
I know I sidetracked from the title but I wanted to give you a bit of history and insight about my pastor and also a bit about my own history. So, how does this bit of history tie in with the title? Well, the title is from one of pastor Webster’s sermons. We all at some point miscommunicate, have unhealthy communication, communication breakdown, no communication at all and much more. Be in a marriage, friendship, dating, work environment, or any other communicative situation we all at some point faulter. No one is a perfect communicator. Sometimes something we said can be hurtful. Some people say it right away with rage or crying etc. that they are hurt by what you just said. Some though just walk away deeply hurt, sweeping it under the rug and years later something is said or happens that they suddenly verbalize from out their heart words of resentment and anger. And, you as a receiver obviously is left confused as to why such behavior, or not remembering how hurtful your own words were in the past towards that person. I can go on with many other communication issues that arise most often than not in a life time but I gather you understand with the bit of my examples what I am alluding to. It takes a lifetime to learn to communicate in such a way that is loving yet truthful towards one another. So, let me share to you a bible study from pastor Webster as God’s word has a lot to say about communication in any type of relationship.
Ephesians 4:25-32 NKJV
Do Not Grieve the Spirit
25 Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give [a]place to the devil. 28 Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. 29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary [b]edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, [c]clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
The Four Rules of Communication (Ephesians 4: 25-32)
Be honest (verse 25)
- Talk openly
- Speak truth with love
- Do not lie
Speak daily (verses 26-27)
- Do not sin
- Don’t ignore or clam up
- Ask these questions; “do I have all the facts?”, “doesn’t love cover all these problems?”, “is this the right moment to talk about it?”, “am I speaking with love?”, “have I looked to God first to help me with this situation?”
Attack the problem not the person (verses 29-30)
- Avoid saying anything hurtful or insulting (focus on addressing the problem or behavior not on the person’s character)
- Be edifying to others (choose words that build up not break down someone)
Be proactive not reactive (verses 31-32)
A. Renounce these reactions;
- Bitterness – refusing to act towards someone as if a person has never wronged you.
- Animosity – Speak with vehemence or lose control
- Anger – Irritability, or aggressiveness, seeking revenge.
- Clamor – Public quarrels or fights, screaming with disapprovals, discontentment, crying.
- Slander – Hurting someone’s reputation or honor with false accusations, and being verbally abusive
- Malice – Doing hurtful actions, having desire to hurt someone or watching them suffer
B. Learn these actions and attitudes;
- Doing Good – Choosing to do good, be generous, empathetic.
- Compassionate – Take a part in the sufferance’s of others by being there for them, express compassion
- Forgiving – Renounces to punish or take vengeance, no regrets, not be jealous or other. Be ready to forgive and ask forgiveness.
- Communication is a learning experience. know that there is no conflict if both parties do not react towards no another when grieved or other. Be proactive by following these fours laws of communication. Be forgiving as God has forgiven you.
Conclusion – Communication does not come easy to everyone. We all have a sinful heart and a majority of the time we are reactive more than we are proactive in any given situation. No matter how difficult communication is it is possible to learn how to communicate in a way that is loving yet truthful but not hurtful. It is your responsibility to discipline yourself how you will respond to someone else’s behavior that may cause you harm or miscommunication or other. What will it be breaking down of a marriage? Loss of a friendship? Loss of a job? Whatever the situation is choose discipline of the heart, love, compassion, forgiveness, and truthfulness.
